don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just found a bag of teeth...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
