The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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