how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
