i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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