how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
