why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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