I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
