i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
