And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
