I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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