my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
