If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
