theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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