You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
