My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
