Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
