stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
