if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
