haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
