Tell her she can't have a vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
