So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
