I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
