You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
