haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
