I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
