This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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