She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
