Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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