Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
