I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
