I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
