I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
