I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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