i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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