vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize