All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
