She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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