don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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