Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
