You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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