Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize