And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
