Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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