Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
