i think my tv is drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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