Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
