VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
