Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
