I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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