I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
