You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
