This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
