I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize