In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize