Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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