Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
