Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
