Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
