Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
