I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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