so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
