Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
