i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
