I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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