i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
