Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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