it was like his penis was on wheels.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
