Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
