We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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