So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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