'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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