Everything about him screamed your future.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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