Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
