today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this just has baby written all over it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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