Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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