How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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