He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
