If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
