doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
