If you die in college, do you die in real life?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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