People in love make me want to vomit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize