My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
