She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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