The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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