If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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