Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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