Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize