so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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