It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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